best kind of bad love affair. 

At the Mini Bar... How to be a Mistress, Nicola Gledhill

At the Mini Bar... How to be a Mistress, Nicola Gledhill

How to be a Mistress


Stand in the rain with a cheap umbrella

and an accessible trench coat, outside

your lover's lit apartment. When you see him,

develop a mysterious presence and a thick skin.

Always emphasize the availability of your thighs,

and be prepared for hurried kisses in parking lots,

and in other uncomfortable places, and for

being often disappointed when it doesn't last

as long as you would have liked. Pretend

you have better things to do, but when he grasps

an excuse to see you, let him find your figure

reclining gracefully on the bed, dressed in

impractical undergarments and eating red grapes,

as if you actually spent your Mondays that way.

He may surprise you as you dip your knee languidly

over the side of the brocade duvet, and cause

your reading glasses to slip. Allow yourself

to lose your place in Lolita and remember

how well you know his tastes. Become a lover

of evenings alone, when he doesn't show up.

Wear suspenders. Make sure your 

bra matches your knickers.

Write in to tell us your tales of love & heartbreak. x

Lava Girl

Lava Girl

Hotline...Dial 1 for Constance Mary

Hotline...Dial 1 for Constance Mary